I had two strange dreams, well sorta strange and sort of not which I’ll elaborate on later in this post or a new one.

Going to miss everybody, trying to take photos on my phone of people. More after the jump.

Just got back from Directors watching Inception for the second time. I wish I had time to watch Scott Pilgrim argghhh. Anyway about those dreams I just do a quick write up, I was attending class with a friend at VU and got called to the coordinators office. Basically he said I’d have to find another campus or he’d withdraw me from the course. I asked why and he said because somebody else with more ‘political’ power and finances had taken my spot for my ex. All I remember saying over and over was “what the hell?!”, so that was wierd. I had another one last Sunday but I can’t be bothered writing that up. The not so wierd was just having dinner with her both of us dressed up suit etc. since we never did do that, I’m guessing all these times have been some way my subconscious feels about everything. I did see her former friend on Saturday working at supercheap when I had to pick up some female bullet plugs etc. think she recognised me but I went about my business. But I’m getting sidetracked now…

I don’t think anyone can fault me on trying my hardest to work things out or communicating and I guess thats all anybody can ask of you, to try your hardest. Thats the mindset I’m going to take with me and I’m going to work really hard to achieve my goals and succeed. Its no longer my place to contact her (she calls/txt tonight wishful thinking), that choice is hers – would be nice to know how she is  or whether she still cared or probably hated and threw out that present she said she had and all the stuff ive given her etc. but if thats her choice I’ll be taking all the thanks and farewell hugs and kisses from everybody else to support me through this adventure.

Cause I’m leaving on a jetplane, don’t know when I’ll be back again.

One thing that I’m really dissapointed about is that Im not able to leave on good terms with everyone. Some would say well they aren’t significant but in regards to one person I know that isn’t true because they’ve been an important part of my life. In the end I just get left with more questions than answers. Does she blame me for everything? Do I make her uncomfortable because she thinks I’m going to attack her all of a sudden? When she smiled/grinned the other day at me was it malicious? Does she feel its some sort of a game she has won? Will she forever feel uncomfortable? Does she want to see me squirm because thats how much she hates me? I’ve been there for her and I just wish she was there for me in this important stage of my life, you can read it as selfish from both points of view.

It does feel that the reason I’ve tried and wanted it to work out has been because I feel I’ve invested alot of time and energy and she is willing to just let it all go because she hasn’t tried as much from my point of view. When I saw her today my first reaction was to walk out again but I decided what I had to do was to important. A part of me wished she had come and just spoke to me or given me a goodbye hug but I guess she is looking forward to me leaving as the work place would be no longer awkward. I don’t know why I did eventually pass her a note knowing what the response would be anyway and leaving that short message. It’s been a week now since that day and after all that emotional rush I’ve been pretty mellow about everything, its obvious now that the intervention order was a threat and what she really wanted was to make sure I couldn’t approach her family with whatever she thinks I would tell them. Although I wondered if it ever occurred to her that she was putting my new career in a compromising situation just to be accused of stalking. Shes never going to tell anybody the truth about anything and shes quite comfortable in that position at my expense I guess. I’m jumping to conclusions but its hard not to when we can’t be adults and talk it through without someone becoming upset about the behaviour.

I hate how Disney movies have made it seem like at the last minute I’ll get a text from her wishing me all the best, in reality that doesn’t happen. In the end I predicted it all, I always did say she’d choose the other guys over me and I’m sure she’s already spent time with D etc. If nothing had happened I’d probably take her out for a proper dinner where I could suit up as a goodbye haha ah well. I tried and whatever happens (or lack of) is totally up to her, I’ve forgiven her and maybe she can to me to.

Went to the new Pancake Palour today with R and C, had a strawberry icecream pancake meal. Taking C to directors tomorrow for Inception, wonder if I can pick up anything new seeing it for a second time round.

Just got back from dinner at Crown, lost money at the Pokies booo! Last night was a good night too! Spent all of today working on my bike from 9am till 6.10pm without any food or water. Starving once I got to Kitchen Workshop and I love jelly. Heres a pic of it work in progress but I’ve finished fitting it and rewiring the indicators and headlights. I wont be able to finish the paint job (adding black and adding decals) until I return from basic. I still need to pack haha soo busy going out and working on the bike I haven’t had time to do the most important thing!

Just got back from watching Hubble 3D and pre-nando’s with the boys for a goodbye 3D session. Space is awesome and imax and it’s 7 floors high screen is insane. Going to miss our Nando’s, the manager always gives us discounts and comes to chat with us while we eat. His been making the burgers hotter and hotter for the fellas but I’m to chicken shit and stay on mild haha I’d sweat to much.

I think I got done for speeding tonight though since I was late going to my mates house and the bastards changed location from the usual bridge to further up *waves fist*. Hoping it was only the front camera and not one that could ping me from behind aswell. Going to miss my bike but the kit looks ace even if it is just the base colour and not the others yet.

I thought it would be a smart idea to write down/outline my goals and what I’d like to achieve over the next few years.

Long term goal(s)
- Purchase a house/built a house
- Investments
- Co-contribute super

At this point in time I’m estimating at least saving $500 per fortnight which should give me at least $20,000 p/a not including built up interest. If I can stick to this I should be able to comfortably have a good deposit for somewhere plus having the assistance of the first home loan buyers grant AND the ADF home assistance grant which is another $20,000 together including tax I think. Get a high interest savings account.

Mid term goal(s)
- Holiday/travel to Japan, Europe, Canada, Solomon Islands, Asia region
- Debt-less (no credit card or loans, pay things outright)

I won’t have to worry to much about travel within Australia as the ADF will post me to different locations. I do know I’ll have a few days leave per year also.  If I get deployed there is also a good chance you can go to a capital city of your choice once you have completed your tour expenses paid. I’ll be making a separate savings account for my mid-term goals so it can also accumulate some interest.

I’ve decided against saving up for a vehicle whether that be a car or a bike upgrade. My reason been is that those two things a detrimental to my long term goal as they would put me in a debt position constantly having to repay it off and the associated on-going expenses which I know alot of people my age are stuck doing. I’d rather be in my 30s and have investment properties making me money to buy the latest Audi or whatever than stuck trying to get a house and hoping I have money to live off till I reach 65 when my super becomes available.

Short term goal(s)
- Entertainment system (TV, video game consoles)
- Maintenance of my CBR250
- Adrenalin sports/activities

I’m hoping I can stick to all of this, I know life isn’t easy and I’ve worked hard to get where I am and it feels good to know I’ve worked hard for all the things I currently have debt-free without assistance from my folks or the bank for loans.

I wish I could take my guitar up with me to Kapooka so I could keep playing and practising.